How to Sit On a Lap

Hi everycat, Jezebel here.  A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how I've become a lap kitty in my well, "advanced" years.

But I realized, there are a lot of kitties out there who don't know how to properly sit on a human slave's lap.  I've seen those boys I live with, Travis and Maurice just plop themselves down a slave.  There's a lot more to it than that.

First you have to crawl up on the lap.  Don't be dissuaded by something else being in the lap - whether it be the computer, knitting, a dog, you name it.  In fact, it's even better if something else is in the lap because then you can make your slave stop paying attention to that and start paying attention to YOU.  Which is, after all, their only purpose in life.

I especially like when there is a dog in the lap.  Not only do you get the slave's attention back on you, where it should be, but dogs provide heat and warmth.  It's like a breathing heating pad.

Now, for the technique.  Slowly crawl on to the lap.  And I do mean slowly.  Then stand there for a few minutes.  The slave might try telling you "just sit down already."  Don't listen to them.  This takes time.  Then slowly turn circles on the lap.  You have to find the purrfect spot after all.  My purrfect spot is usually directly on top of one of those warm personal heater dogs.

Your slave might ask you some dumb questions like "what are you doing?"  or "do you even know where you are?"  Ignore them.

Finally, sit down and snuggle in.  It's best if you're snuggling down on top of either a dog or a fleece blanket.  Even better, a dog on top of a fleece blanket!  And prepare to sit there for hours - after all, it's not like that human slave of yours has anything better to do.  Unless it's feeding you of course!

-Jezebel