Tuesday, February 11, 2014

How to Sit On a Lap


Hi everycat, Jezebel here.  A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how I've become a lap kitty in my well, "advanced" years.

But I realized, there are a lot of kitties out there who don't know how to properly sit on a human slave's lap.  I've seen those boys I live with, Travis and Maurice just plop themselves down a slave.  There's a lot more to it than that.

First you have to crawl up on the lap.  Don't be dissuaded by something else being in the lap - whether it be the computer, knitting, a dog, you name it.  In fact, it's even better if something else is in the lap because then you can make your slave stop paying attention to that and start paying attention to YOU.  Which is, after all, their only purpose in life.

I especially like when there is a dog in the lap.  Not only do you get the slave's attention back on you, where it should be, but dogs provide heat and warmth.  It's like a breathing heating pad.

Now, for the technique.  Slowly crawl on to the lap.  And I do mean slowly.  Then stand there for a few minutes.  The slave might try telling you "just sit down already."  Don't listen to them.  This takes time.  Then slowly turn circles on the lap.  You have to find the purrfect spot after all.  My purrfect spot is usually directly on top of one of those warm personal heater dogs.

Your slave might ask you some dumb questions like "what are you doing?"  or "do you even know where you are?"  Ignore them.

Finally, sit down and snuggle in.  It's best if you're snuggling down on top of either a dog or a fleece blanket.  Even better, a dog on top of a fleece blanket!  And prepare to sit there for hours - after all, it's not like that human slave of yours has anything better to do.  Unless it's feeding you of course!

-Jezebel

18 comments:

  1. BOL! Ooops, I meen MOL! Yu make me waff, Jezebel! Fanks fur sharin' yur tekneek fur snugglin' in a wap!

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    1. Hmm lil white dog, I bet you is warm and would make a pretty good heating pad like Whitley and Finley.

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  2. BOL/MOL, Zaidie!

    Minko is just like that, and Pipo...um he only gets on Pawppy's lap, mostly, and neither of us likes to lie on dog-guy...well, come to think of it, he doesn't evfur do laps!

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    1. Y'all are missing out, I'm always lying on the dogs. They're warm!

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  3. Okay *raises paw* - I hash a coupla questions about thish. What if dere ish no dog at yer house, will a stuffed animal like a teddy bear do inshtead, and my second question ish what if yew ish much bigger den dah lap in question? Because dat ish my main purrlem - I ish twice dah size of dah lap - so it beeds confushing and I wants to do dis right!

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    1. I guess a teddy bear will do in a pinch. It won't be heated, but at least it'll be soft.

      And I used to be, um, well "large and in charge" - I know I don't look it, but at one time I weighed 18 pounds! Just push your way in there. You might wanna suggest your slave get a large chair to sit in so you can have room to stretch out while on her lap.

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  4. Jezzie, I don't minds ya sleepin' on me, but coulds ya just go ahead and lay down, fur goodness sakes... dat standin' on me is kinda annoyin'!!

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    1. No, it's proper sitting technique to stand for AT LEAST 10 minutes.

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  5. Jezebel there is nothing like a warm lap to snuggle in especially on a cold Winters day. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  6. Jez...my stars girl you have earned the right to rule THE HOUSE...not just laps...

    indeed....

    who cares what the boys think...IF they even due...I know boomer doesn't...

    anyway, hugs to you from dai$y =^..*=

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  7. or going to the bathroom! Oh and don't forget to make PLENTY of biscuits while you are sitting there!

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    1. Travis is really the biscuit maker around here, so I'll leave the kneading to him.

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  8. Aw Jezebel, you are so cute and that is such great advice...you are one smart Ladycat! Have a wonderful week everyone!

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  9. Replies
    1. You never know, I never thought I would be either.

      -Jezebel

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